Hey, They Call Me Connie…

For the better part of a week, I have been holding onto a broken finger nail.

Yes, very stupid…I know.

However, I couldn’t help but feel this overwhelming desire to fight for it. There is nothing worse than having a next-to-godliness, fresh gel manicure and noticing crack spreading right across the middle.

Once I saw it, I made it my mission to hold it together, as if somehow it was going to magically mend itself. Every time the split nail would catch a snag, I would catch myself frantically pushing the nail back in place. My determination to keep everything intact was consuming me. So much so, that even when the nail was in its correct position, I would run my thumb over it as if it needed fixing.

It became an obsession. Once I realized what was happening, I felt disgusted with myself. With all of the moving parts in my life, why was I allowing something so trivial control me?

Fixating in this one meaningless factor was causing an unnecessary amount of stress. So…

I cut it off.

The manicure, in my mind, was jacked. However, the relief I felt from letting go… was infinite.

Really, Connie? From a finger nail? Let me explain.

I realized when I cut it off, there was room for growth. The nail was going to come back and possibly be even stronger.

Letting go of preconceived notions regarding life…people…careers…relationship…myself…

That’s where I believe I can began to grow. I think comfort transformed into conformity, and failure has been the breeding ground for conformity (for me at least). Failure, sometimes, can reinforce what our subconscious minds already believe to be to true.

Example, if I don’t think success is possible, and I fail at something I set out do/be, I believe the lack of success to be truthful.

Deep huh?

However, if I learn to get release everything I think I know about failure, perhaps a new perspective can enter my sphere and take me on a different journey. I’ve been in a rut for a while because I thought that’s where I deserved to be. Stuck.

As I clipped away the cranberry-colored gel polish, I realized that there are several expectations I also need to clip. Funny thing about growth is we don’t always see it.

One day we break a finger nail, a few days later we notice the finger nail has grown to a different spot. Growth isn’t something we are supposed to notice instantaneously. Growth becomes recognized whenever we glance in our rear view mirror.

I’m not sure how this revelation will shape me. Nonetheless, I think I’m ready to find out.