Hey, They Call Me Connie…

Dedicated to the most special person in my life: a little girl with big dreams and an even bigger personality, who never fails to remind me why it never rains on Sundays. Thank you, Gigi, for always being my light.

Not going to lie to you, I’m not exactly thrilled with the title “motivational speaker.” Don’t get me wrong, I understand the concept and why it can be necessary. But it’s been so overused that it often sounds like a plot to sell a course, capitalizing on people searching for inspiration to take control of their lives. There are only a few motivational speakers I can actually tolerate, and they’re the ones who don’t feel like they’re trying to motivate me at all. I don’t feel like I have to buy more to be more. 

The ones that resonate with me? They feel like that brutally honest friend who silently judges your life choices but loves you enough to hold off on the lecture… for now. You know, the kind of friend who waits until you’ve pulled yourself together and then hits you with, “Girl, I cannot believe you were crying over his dusty a**! You’re so much better than that!” That’s the kind of motivation that feels real to me. So while I cringe at the “motivational speaker” label, I’m all for having a positive influence in your life. 

Whether it’s Tony Robbins or Tony from the gas station (as long as it’s safe—let’s keep our common sense, folks), we all need someone to speak life into us when we’re feeling empty. For the sake of keeping it real, I’m just going to treat this like I’m talking to my Aces—aka, best friends. If you’re like me and don’t trust strangers offering unsolicited life advice, then allow me to temporarily rebrand myself as your Personal Development Educator! Basically the same thing as a motivational speaker, but with a fancier title.

And before we go any further, let me be clear: I’ve got two degrees, but neither of them is even remotely related to counseling, psychology, healthcare, or education. So what do I bring to the table if not academic credentials? Life experience, baby! If you’ve ever hunted for a job post-graduation, you know education without experience is like trying to make soup without a spoon—it’s not gonna work out. Don’t believe me? Ask anyone in talent acquisition. And while you’re at it, see if they know the status of my latest job application.

Look, I’m not here to drown you in facts. You’ve got Google—and now with AI, it’s basically Google on steroids. You don’t need a lecture on life-changing philosophies, and I’m definitely not here to sell you some fantasy that reading this will completely reshape your world. Sorry, bruh. 

Nope, my goal is simple: to offer you hope. Hope that things can change if you want them to. I’m just your ordinary example of how everyday experiences can prepare you for an extraordinary life—if you let them.

Let’s Start from the Middle

There’s this YouTuber I used to listen to, who would say, “Don’t start the story from the middle, start from the beginning.” Sound advice for most things, but this isn’t an important trial. You don’t need a comprehensive rundown of my childhood, because let’s be honest, that’s not what shaped my journey. And this isn’t a memoir—so we’re skipping the mundane. 

I mean, sure, beginnings are important, but “which” beginning matters too. Some of us have multiple beginnings.

Now, let me take a moment to salute those who got life right the first time—the ones who never had to restart, fail, or make any colossal mistakes. For those lucky few who have been on a steady upward trajectory from day one: Congratulations! Now, kindly put this down because it’s not for you.

For the rest of us—the habitual missteppers—welcome! What’s a misstep, you ask? It’s any decision that veers you off your intended path. Let’s say I wanted to be an astronaut (which I didn’t, but stay with me). I sign up for the wrong school, life happens, and before I know it, I’ve deferred or completely changed plans. Now I’m left with debt for a school I don’t even attend and skills I can’t use. Big ol’ misstep. 

Now, I know not all missteps are created equal. Maybe you’re thinking, “Connie, that’s cute, but my missteps are way bigger than picking the wrong school.” I get it. I’ve had life-altering missteps too, but I’ve learned how to course-correct. It all starts with the first and most challenging step:

1. Wake up. Yeah, if you don’t do this, the rest is irrelevant.

2. Find a reason to be grateful, then get up. I’m giving bite-sized steps because, let’s be real, we all comprehend differently. No judgment, just assistance.

3. Look yourself in the mirror. Ignore the bedhead and eye crust, and say something along the lines of, “Your decision-making sucks.”

Ta-da! Anti-climactic, I know, but necessary. This step allows me to acknowledge I don’t know everything. 

One of the best pieces of advice I’ve ever received comes straight from the Bible. Don’t worry, you don’t have to be Christian to appreciate this gem. Proverbs 11:14 (New Living Translation) says: “Without wise leadership, a nation falls; there is safety in having many advisers.” 

Gold, right? It means that we don’t have to keep fumbling through life solo. We just need great people around to guide us! Yay! But hold your excitement—choosing who to trust is the tricky part. It takes time, and solitude, to develop the discernment to pick your tribe wisely. 

You have to drown out the external noise to hear your own voice and any spiritual guide you rely on. The less you’re influenced by external energies, the better you’ll be at recognizing who’s truly suited to advise you.

So how do you recognize sound advice? It’s advice that feeds your soul and starves your ego.

Wise counsel won’t sugarcoat things just to make you feel better, nor will they hold back for fear of your reaction. They correct you with love, without judgment, and most importantly, they don’t have a personal agenda. No tit-for-tat. If there’s tat, get off the tit!

When you start taking intentional steps, no longer tiptoeing out of fear of mistakes, that’s when life gets interesting. Once you get your stride, life is fun that way.